I
would like to tell you a story. It is a true story. It is about love.
When
our daughter came out to us in the summer between her junior and senior years
in college, we more or less said, “We love you, but we don’t understand. And,
hold that closet door for us, honey, ‘cause we are going in now.”
We
were in that closet a good while, but all the time we were looking for answers.
Like everyone else in our society, we had been conditioned to hear only “sex”
when we heard “homosexual.” Through reading many books, our understanding grew,
but very slowly. It was still just about sex.
We
continued to support Julie, especially in all her sports endeavors (basketball,
soccer, field hockey), but the strain of keeping our secret from family,
friends, and church was very stressful and spilled over into our relationship
with her. There was always the “elephant in the room” that we did not talk
about.
She
was in “a relationship,” as we called it, having met Lisa during her Semester
at Sea trip for the spring semester of her junior year. Lisa, who was in
graduate school, attended as many of Julie’s games as she could, but always sat
on the opposite side of the gym or field from us since we had made it perfectly
clear that we more or less blamed her and did not want to have anything to do
with her.
At
a basketball game at Guilford College, Julie sprained her ankle so badly that
the coach suspected it was broken. EMS was called, and off we went to the
emergency room, Lisa with Julie, and her dad and I following in our car—scared
for Julie and furious that Lisa was “butting in” on this “family” emergency.
At
the emergency room, Julie was taken to a room immediately while we sat in the
small waiting room, facing Lisa who was trying her best to be invisible behind
a magazine. We had yet to speak to her.
A
nurse appeared and said Julie wanted us to come to her room. Only one person
was allowed at a time, so I went to see her,
and her dad remained in the waiting room.
When
I entered the room, Julie was in tears, but I knew right away they were not
because of ankle pain. She said, “Mom, I am glad you and Dad are here. It means
a lot to me. But I want Lisa.” And in that moment I finally understood. I
realized that if I had been in that bed, I would have been saying to my mom, “I
want Bill.” I would have wanted that person I loved most in the world. The
person who made me complete. And that is what I saw in Julie’s face, heard in
her voice. Their relationship was not about sex, it was about love.
That
moment changed my life forever. I went back to the waiting room and sent Lisa
to be with Julie.
That
was 22 years ago. Julie is still our beloved daughter, and Lisa is our beloved
daughter-in-love. (Actually, she is now our daughter-in-law. Julie and Lisa
were finally able to marry in October 2013. They live in Seattle, WA.)
