Growing up as a Christian in a
fundamentalist Bible church had its challenges, but growing up as a gay
Christian in that same setting presented a whole new set of difficulties. Life
as a child for me was no different from the so-called norm, but when I came to
realize as a teenager that my affections were different from those of other
boys my age, I was left searching for answers. I began reading, researching,
and talking with professors and ministers. I didn't dare talk to my close
friends for fear of losing a good friend or having to deal with rejection. I
thought back over my childhood years and family experiences, looking for a
cause or reason for me to feel the way I did. As I did so, coupled with my
findings from conversations and information gleaned from research, I soon
realized that it wasn't the result of any one experience, but rather it was who
I was created to be. That realization left me with a peace within and the
strength to go on living my life and pursuing my dreams.
I was fortunate growing up because I
never had to deal with bullying, which is usually a major crisis for so
many gay boys. You see, I was always a "jock" at my school and gave
no indication of my sexuality. I didn't feel a need to tell others who I loved,
though I was never ashamed to do so if asked. Other gays and lesbians I knew
were not so fortunate, my partner included. Shortly after we met, he asked if I
would worship with him. Although I felt worshipping together was important to
making the relationship work, I warned him that in due time there would be
problems within the church, which just happened to be Baptist. Well, it wasn't
long before people started talking, after realizing we loved each
other. Shortly thereafter, he was asked to quit the choir, and it wasn't long
before he left the church altogether. My heart was saddened for him and for the
church. People were too busy trying to play God instead of following his
commandment to love others.
There remains much misunderstanding in
society about homosexuality, along with condemnation and rejection
within the church, but the sure foundation I received as a child from my
parents, Sunday school teachers, and ministers has allowed me to continue a
life without guilt. Unlike so many others who left the church when they didn't
feel accepted, I chose to remain because my love for the Lord was much stronger
than any rejection I encountered. There were times when I was not allowed to
share my talents in ministry (sing solos, teach Sunday school, lead in prayer),
but I felt the support of 90 percent of the congregation. The narrow-mindedness
of a few never caused me to lose faith. I've always felt it was their
problem, not mine, and I didn't allow their attitudes and prejudices to
negatively affect my faith. Those times never lasted long for me, because I
found other ways and places to minister and share my talents.
I pray that the time will
come when God's commandment to love our neighbors as ourselves will prevail
within every congregation and denomination, and people of all sexual
orientations will be welcomed and loved. Maybe if we would not neglect the
first part of that commandment—to love God with all our heart, soul, and
mind—the second part would not be so difficult. I am blessed to be part of a
caring, nurturing, and reconciling church and community, and I pray that people
of all sexual orientations will be as blessed and be allowed opportunities to
share their talents within their churches and communities without fear of being
rejected or ostracized.
