Where
do you start a story when you are not even sure where it started? Probably with Allan, who called me Mother,
even though he was older than me. Allan was a member of our United Methodist Church
in the Chicago area, he had no close relatives, and we adopted him for holiday
dinners and cookouts. We had suspected he was gay, but he “officially” came out
to us during Disciple Bible Study. We recognized the anguish and pain he had felt
through the years and what a relief it was for him to talk to someone about it.
He had literally led a double life through his years in the military and his
career in a government job. He was a strong Christian, choir member, Sunday School
teacher, and only wanted to be accepted for what he was.
Our
Illinois Conference at the time was encouraging all churches to use the study
on homosexuality that had been published by the UMC. Our cluster used the study,
and we met people from nearby churches on both sides of the issue. Again, we
were told about pain and struggles. It was an education for all people in the
study and encouraged everyone to be open to conversation rather than debate
about the topic of homosexuality.
Then
in July of 1996, a letter (which I have
kept for 18 years) came from my college roommate and her husband, a Professor
of Medicine at Indiana University School of Medicine, about their daughter being
a lesbian. They talked about their involvement in the Reconciling Congregations
Program and listening to stories of parents and the hateful prejudices they had
encountered. Their struggles and the struggles of their large Indianapolis
church really gave me an awareness that this issue was broader than Allan in
our small church. It was an issue for the UMC at large, and it would take
strong people to support it.
What
would I do? In my heart I supported full inclusion in the church for
homosexuals, not disenfranchisement, and equality in all legal issues, but who
do you say this to? I didn’t know, so I was usually silent. We have an
opportunity now for conversation, not silence,
in our church, and I believe it is time for it to come to the table.
